"Oh. My. God. I cannot unread that." He quickly closed the offending tab on his computer screen.
John had fallen down a rabbit hole. It had started innocently enough with an IMDb listing that led him to a Wikipedia article that linked to a photograph that took him to a Tumblr account and it was all downhill from there.
"What are you muttering about now?" Sherlock asked without real interest. Most likely he was simply getting fed up with John's random outbursts.
John answered question with question. "Have you ever heard of fanfiction?"
"Derivative works by amateur authors and artists based on fictional worlds and characters created by professionals. I have deleted it from my brain repeatedly, and yet it finds its way back in. It's exceedingly pervasive."
"Yeah, well, what about this thing called RPF?"
"Real Person Fiction."
Finally, Sherlock looked over from where he was sprawled on the sofa reading a book that could only accurately be described as a tome. "You're being boring, John. Why?"
"There's RPF about you and me."
"And Lestrade. Sometimes all at the same time."
"You are implying something."
"I'm implying nothing. I'm saying people are writing stories about us as if we were fictional characters, and a higher number than I care to count are convinced you and Greg and I are lovers."
Sherlock sat up, discarded the tome, and stepped over the coffee table to reach John at his computer. He claimed the device, forcing John to shift sideways out of his way.
John soon regretted leaving so many tabs open. Sherlock had a comment for every one he clicked on. "Fascinating." "Not physically possible." "Lestrade and Molly Hooper?" "That is not how Mrs Hudson and I met, although the theory is clever." "A baby? Who are these idiots?" "Pirates. I like pirates." "Now that is intriguing."
Oh shit. "What is?"
John knew immediately which story Sherlock referred to without having to look at the screen. "Sherlock, are you suggesting we take sexual advice internet fanfiction?"
"I'm suggesting nothing."
Sherlock's keen eyes slid sideways and caught John's gaze.
"This experiment regarding the relative oleaginousness of various cooking oils is intriguing."
"Um, yeah. I thought so, too."
"Do we have any cooking oils in the flat?"
"No canola? Vegetable oil?"
"No. Not even extra virgin olive oil. Used that up yesterday with the pasta."
Sherlock straightened up. "In that case, a trip to the store is in order. I suggest we compile a list."
"Good idea." John grabbed a nearby notebook and a pen and began scribbling down every kind of culinary oil he could think of.
Sherlock looked over his shoulder. "Did you get coconut oil?"
"It's at the top of the list."